I had just gotten used to waiting in May. I was ready to make necklaces for brae handmade and just go on with life not thinking about adoption. Then match #1 happened and we were thrilled until we received more information that showed us how risky the situation was. You wouldn't think that a few days of thinking you knew where your baby was would be that hard to get over, but it felt like the end of the world when we had to say no. We decided at that point to consider hiring an adoption consultant to help us get matched with a situation involving less legal/financial risk. A week or two later we hired Casey w/christian adoption consultants and surprise! Got matched in 4 days. We thought, woohoo! What a great decision to get a consultant and get matched so fast! :) Then about 5 days later we heard that the mama had lost her baby.
.
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Shock and sorrow. I couldn't believe it. A friend called me and told me she was so so sorry, and all those tears I was holding in burst out. I had such mixed feelings. I felt so sad for the moms loss of her baby, for our loss of that little one. I also felt like it was selfish of me to cry over this little one I have never met.
Since then waiting has been so much harder. We "knew where our baby was!" twice, and now there is no little one for us. We have said "yes" to 4 situations in the 16 days since hearing about the birth moms loss. We have prepped paperwork for an agency in Indiana. We have put that paperwork on hold until we hear about a little one in a local NICU.
I am getting ready to fill out stacks of adoption grant paper in the next few days, hoping that if we receive more grants, we can expand our financial limits for our adoption.
The waiting is hard. I never realized it could be such a roller coaster. One day at the top of the world, the next day the floor just dropping out from under us. I hope we don't have too many more bottoms drop out from under us in the future.
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